It's tax time, so laugh a little bit!
Best joke of 2008, a must read.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a break even. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Get OFF the Damn Internet!
Stop streaming the damn inauguration, you are literally killing the Internet. Seriously, I know, I am working the issue as we speak (well actually, I'm at lunch, but rest assured I will be fixing your Internets soon).
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The Blame Game
Brett Favre’s honeymoon is over in New York. His team mates are now lining up to lay the blame for their late season collapse at his feet. First up, Thomas Jones, responsible for a whopping 23 rushing yards in the Jets game against Miami, believes Favre single-handedly lost the game and the Jets season.
Now, I agree with Thomas Jones that Favre deserved to be benched at one point during this late season slide. However, it was not in the last game against Miami and not because Favre was a bad player. Favre should have been benched against Seattle, when he definitely looked to have lost something on his throws due to a shoulder injury.
Brett Favre is the easy target during the Jets collapse. 2 touchdown tosses vs. 9 interceptions. That is enough to get any quarterback fired in this league, but somehow Favre was given the starting job every week. Some will say it was because the Jets spent too much money to bench him. Some will say that Favre was elitist. Some will say anything to lay the blame on Favre.
Obviously, the bomb-throwers haven’t paid attention to Favre’s career. When his team’s running game falls apart due to a subpar offensive line, Favre takes it on himself to get something going. That leads to interceptions, but it has also lead to the plethora of miracle-moments in Favre’s career.
Unfortunately, no one, especially Thomas Jones is willing to admit maybe, just maybe the rest of the team is at fault as well. Maybe that is why Favre wasn’t benched, because the rest of the team was playing just as shitty.
The irony of course, is that Thomas Jones was directly responsible for Favre feeling pressured to throw more than needed. Jones lackluster performances towards the end of the year lead directly to more pass plays, which lead to the interceptions. Sure, Favre gets the blame for the bad throws, but that doesn’t absolve anyone of the problems that lead to Favre’s bad play.
Earlier in the season, when the Jets were dominating, Favre’s interceptions didn’t matter. The Jets defense was holding up and the running game was running out the clock. As soon as one of those two, the running game, collapsed, Favre’s interceptions started losing games. At the same time, Favre’s arm lead to plenty of wins (remember week 1, fourth and goal, a miracle thrown to the heavens comes down in Jets hands for a winning TD).
What’s even funnier, an overtime catch by a certain Jets receiver on a perfect Brett Favre pass and the Jets are in the playoffs, beating both the comeback kids (Miami) and the best team in football (Patriots). It just goes to show how competitive the NFL has become, something that makes every game worth watching.
Good luck to Brett, he’ll need it to survive this disaster. Shame on Jones, this is the best team sport out there and throwing your teammate under the bus isn’t going to win anyone friends. If anyone is an elitist, it’s Jones, believing any single player loses or wins football games.
Now, I agree with Thomas Jones that Favre deserved to be benched at one point during this late season slide. However, it was not in the last game against Miami and not because Favre was a bad player. Favre should have been benched against Seattle, when he definitely looked to have lost something on his throws due to a shoulder injury.
Brett Favre is the easy target during the Jets collapse. 2 touchdown tosses vs. 9 interceptions. That is enough to get any quarterback fired in this league, but somehow Favre was given the starting job every week. Some will say it was because the Jets spent too much money to bench him. Some will say that Favre was elitist. Some will say anything to lay the blame on Favre.
Obviously, the bomb-throwers haven’t paid attention to Favre’s career. When his team’s running game falls apart due to a subpar offensive line, Favre takes it on himself to get something going. That leads to interceptions, but it has also lead to the plethora of miracle-moments in Favre’s career.
Unfortunately, no one, especially Thomas Jones is willing to admit maybe, just maybe the rest of the team is at fault as well. Maybe that is why Favre wasn’t benched, because the rest of the team was playing just as shitty.
The irony of course, is that Thomas Jones was directly responsible for Favre feeling pressured to throw more than needed. Jones lackluster performances towards the end of the year lead directly to more pass plays, which lead to the interceptions. Sure, Favre gets the blame for the bad throws, but that doesn’t absolve anyone of the problems that lead to Favre’s bad play.
Earlier in the season, when the Jets were dominating, Favre’s interceptions didn’t matter. The Jets defense was holding up and the running game was running out the clock. As soon as one of those two, the running game, collapsed, Favre’s interceptions started losing games. At the same time, Favre’s arm lead to plenty of wins (remember week 1, fourth and goal, a miracle thrown to the heavens comes down in Jets hands for a winning TD).
What’s even funnier, an overtime catch by a certain Jets receiver on a perfect Brett Favre pass and the Jets are in the playoffs, beating both the comeback kids (Miami) and the best team in football (Patriots). It just goes to show how competitive the NFL has become, something that makes every game worth watching.
Good luck to Brett, he’ll need it to survive this disaster. Shame on Jones, this is the best team sport out there and throwing your teammate under the bus isn’t going to win anyone friends. If anyone is an elitist, it’s Jones, believing any single player loses or wins football games.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Predictions for 2009
1. The economy will not "collapse", but it isn't going to get better until the governments of the world leave it to the free market to correct itself.
2. The weak economy will encourage smaller, fiscally responsible game development projects. This will lead to a bunch of interesting stuff coming out in the MMO space, whether technically massively multiplayer or not is yet to be seen.
3. Even with number 2, subscription based MMOs will still be king of the revenue stream at the end of 2009. Thank World of Warcraft for giving MMO developers false hope everywhere.
4. World of Warcraft will not get a new expansion, but something will be announced. It will focus more on new hero classes, the Alliance vs Horde conflict, and high end raiding.
5. WAR will still be around by the end of 2009, but who remains around to develop it may be drastically different.
6. More MMOs will close their doors. The true sign of doom will be when SOE starts closing down some of its B-team living painfully on Station Pass.
7. Speaking of SOE. The doom and gloom continues as SOE continues to push RMT practices on its non-RMT games.
8. An MMO project will come out of left field this year and surprise us all. Scott Jennings may or may not be involved, but he’ll blog about it regardless.
9. The world will end if Diablo III and Starcraft II are both launched in 2009.
2. The weak economy will encourage smaller, fiscally responsible game development projects. This will lead to a bunch of interesting stuff coming out in the MMO space, whether technically massively multiplayer or not is yet to be seen.
3. Even with number 2, subscription based MMOs will still be king of the revenue stream at the end of 2009. Thank World of Warcraft for giving MMO developers false hope everywhere.
4. World of Warcraft will not get a new expansion, but something will be announced. It will focus more on new hero classes, the Alliance vs Horde conflict, and high end raiding.
5. WAR will still be around by the end of 2009, but who remains around to develop it may be drastically different.
6. More MMOs will close their doors. The true sign of doom will be when SOE starts closing down some of its B-team living painfully on Station Pass.
7. Speaking of SOE. The doom and gloom continues as SOE continues to push RMT practices on its non-RMT games.
8. An MMO project will come out of left field this year and surprise us all. Scott Jennings may or may not be involved, but he’ll blog about it regardless.
9. The world will end if Diablo III and Starcraft II are both launched in 2009.
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